I haven’t been doing very well over the last few days – today is a bit better than the previous two, but still nowhere near where I was before Easter. There is not one single reason for it, but rather a plethora of small incidents that only in sum have the power to bring me down.
Part of it is a boiling resentment towards my grandmother’s past behaviour that, almost forgotten over years, suddenly has risen up to the surface again through the last two trips.
Some stems from everyday problems that are really too insignificant individually to list them here; annoyances rather than real problems.
There’s a hormonal component also – indicated by “period acne” and a really bloated feeling. Like a beached whale rotting in the sun, growing bigger by the hour. And I have had insane cravings for carbohydrates: pizza, pasta, cake…
And, finally, part of it is being geographically separated from my boyfriend. We are in a long-distance relationship – he in the USA, me in Germany – and it’s been hard to go back to being apart again after we spent the first three months of the year together. I miss him insanely.
Later today I’ll have a therapy session and maybe I’ll feel better afterwards. The BDI-II score is probably going to be a couple of points higher compared to the last session, but I just can’t shed the negative feelings. Even if I ignore them for most of the day, they come back in the evening.