I had a clinical interview with another psychologist this morning – the same who created my personality profile back in December before I started psychotherapy. It was more or less a follow-up, consisting of the same questions.
The depressive episode was officially pronounced over, even though some residual symptoms currently remain. The panic disorder is gone (I haven’t had a panic attack in a year), and so are the slight traces of agoraphobia she could detect six months ago.
Of course, my “avoidant personality structure” still remains, but it has softened up a bit and the extremes of the social anxiety are gone as well.
It’s a rather strange feeling – despite the fact that I knew I was doing much better, there still is a difference between merely suspecting and being officially told that the last depressive episode is over. I am happy, mostly, and a little bit nervous.
Fortunately, I have the chance to continue therapy, because I don’t feel stable enough for carrying on completely on my own just yet. The last relapse brought up too many doubts to make me trust myself (yet).
However, right now I’m not relapsing, and there’s still work to be done. I got rid of the depression, but not of what caused it and was caused by it. I picture it as a decrepit house being renovated: the roof got patched up, the debris cleared out… now I need to replace all the broken furniture.
The therapy session in the afternoon was intense, but in a good way. The headline actually is a sentence my therapist said to me today – to signify that for the first time ever, I can start living without being ruled by an illness.