On Discomfort & Comforts

After the drama at the beginning of the week, I had to pull myself together for the crystallography exam – successfully enough for passing. The results were in after 24 hours and thus I know that despite waking up to my head spinning with vertigo and my dysfunctional memory, I put that class behind me for good. The results for physics and mathematics still haven’t been put online, so in that regard I’m still biting my nails.

Friday and Saturday I was on an excursion to local sites of geological interest. Since most of the geological outcrops didn’t offer enough space for huge crowds, we got divided into groups of twenty-something people, and each group had slightly different routes and sites to visit. Our guide was very nice, but unfortunately his tempo was so insanely fast that a few of us got close to a physical breakdown. My metabolism is very slow (as a result of both depression and Hashimoto’s) and soon my head started spinning with vertigo. Another girl had an asthma attack, and together with others we soon fell behind. After realizing the effect this had on us, our guide apologized and promised to slow down, but we still kept lagging behind, desperately panting uphill hour after hour. At one point, about ten minutes before reaching the highest peak of the day, I paused and stared into the forest stretching below me, thinking: “Why couldn’t you pick a different subject? Something where you do not have to go on field trips…”
The only thing which kept me going was that we were in the middle of a nature reserve and thus the only way “back to civilization” was to continue walking.
The second day saw us climbing up a mountain through vineyards; not nearly as long a walk as the day before, but so steep that we had to clutch onto the wires for the vines and descend sidewards to prevent falling down the cliff-like slope. In the early afternoon I had to admit defeat because of a black-and-blue toenail – I simply could not walk properly anymore due to the pain. I’ll have to wear open shoes for the next days – very inconvenient, since the weather is rather wet, but that is the only way I can walk without a severe limp – and somewhat embarrassing. I will be rather self-conscious about it tomorrow, but it is my only option.

The best aspect of those two days was coming home to someone. I got served dinner and could rest my legs on my boyfriend’s lap while he massaged my sore feet (and legs and back). Even though most of my body hurt, I actually felt pampered.
He helps me staying in the present, to not worry about the future or think about the past so much. He comforts me emotionally and mentally. I think I wrote in an earlier post already that my idea of happiness is spending an evening on the sofa with him – it might sound utterly boring, but I really enjoy this very dullness. There is enough drama in my life and I am grateful about every time I can just wind down and bask in the warmth of our shared life together.


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