The first half of the year is characterized by a very tight and stressful schedule regarding both university and the bureaucratic acts of getting married and starting my husband’s immigration process. Eventually, this proved too much activity, and at the beginning of the second half of the year, I fell into a pit of lethargy and low moods. With the end of the summer, I began working my way out of that, and tried to maintain a healthy equilibrium.
The most important facts of what happened in 2012 are all in this blog, even if not always in as much detail as planned or wished for. On top of that, I already had two retrospective posts this month. Due to this, I decided to employ the form of last year’s review and “count my blessings” by writing about what I am grateful for in this year past. After all, it is a good exercise in shifting the focus on positive aspects.
My husband: I am thankful for his company and for his willingness to embark on the adventure of immigration. For waiting so many hours together with me in front of various offices, even when his presence was not required. For talking to me at 2 AM even though he was tired. For not talking to me in the mornings much, because that is when my brain does not function. For making sure I don’t oversleep. For comforting me many mornings when I would cry because I did not want to leave for university. For foot massages and back rubs. For accepting me the way I am. For encouraging me to pursue what I enjoy. For understanding how depression and anxiety work. For saying sorry and meaning it. For not feeling threatened by the feminist and lesbian blogs, websites or videos I read and watch. For hours upon hours of discussion on Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones, Downton Abbey, The Hobbit, etc. For paying honest compliments. For believing in me. For making me smile. For making me laugh.
My friends: I am grateful for them reaching out when I retreat too far from contacts. For listening. For taking me out of my own mind. For making me laugh. For sharing their own experiences. For their kind and comforting words, even when they cannot do anything about my problems. For their encouragement. For providing a faithful readership for this blog. For rooting for my husband and me all the way through the bureaucratic labyrinth to marriage and immigration.
My parents: During the first months of the year, there was a lot of friction between my mother and me, so I am especially appreciative of her becoming generally calmer over the last months. I am thankful for the financial support from my parents. For being so nice towards my husband on Christmas. For their occasional donations of food / groceries and clothes. For increasingly trying to understand what is going on with me.
My sister: The day before my wedding, we had a major fallout, and for months afterwards I carried underlying resentment with me, because she would never apologize for the things she said that day. As a result, I am really grateful that she appears to have mellowed out since. That she is seeking professional help from a psychiatrist now and taking medication which makes her moods more stable. That she took us out on her birthday and thus allowed my husband and me to enjoy something we could not have afforded otherwise. That she is becoming more approachable.
My niece: I am grateful for her being the kind of person she is: kind-hearted, quirky, bubbly, never shy to express her fondness. For her not hesitating to extent the same sentiment towards my husband despite the language barrier.
My mother-in-law: I am thankful for her financial support and for her friendliness towards me, a person she has never met.
My husband’s daughter: I am grateful for her being in my husband’s life again. (It’s a long and complicated story, but not the right place to tell it.) For her being the friendly, funny, open-minded person she is.
My therapist: I am grateful for his continued professional support, both in the sessions and via email – especially when I am at my worst. For helping me grow. For encouraging me to try myself out and providing a safe environment for that.
A very happy 2013 to all of my readers!
Lugubrious Layara 