I’m So Tired

So far, I haven’t done anything about my schedule, but I want to figure something out and just see if eliminating some classes works – the problem is not only missing content and having to learn it from books instead, but also the possible increase in exam-related anxiety this might spark. I don’t really gain anything if I’m so afraid of failing that I keep worrying those hours away.

I spent all of last weekend writing my excursion protocol and the beginning of this week was pure hell, but I’ve also been under the hormonal influence of PMS, which gets me a little down at the easiest of times. When I’m stressed out to begin with, there’s no limit to the doom and gloom it creates. I did, however, bounce back a little afterwards – now it’s just plain stress, not depression that gives me a hard time. The weekend cannot be here soon enough.

My therapist had to cancel our last session because of hospital-related reasons, so it’s been five weeks since my last appointment and I pray he doesn’t call before tomorrow’s meeting, because even though we are in email contact in between, that’s not the same as actually discussing in person.
I had a dream earlier this week:  I’d fallen asleep in my therapist’s office, just before the session. When I woke up (in my dream), it was 9 o’ clock in the evening and he’d gone home, leaving me a message on my phone about it. A nurse told me that I had to stay the night as they couldn’t let me out anymore this day, and when I asked why my therapist had not woken me up, she said I’d be sleeping so deeply that they’d given up on it. I then had to spend the night in his office with two other girls, because – as I learned – they put patients in there at night.
What’s sad about this dream is that I feel like this is something which could actually happen to me now… Even in my dreams I’m tired…

The good news are that the people whom I mentioned as saying hello to me almost a month ago have become something like a steady “work group”, so I do not have to worry about finding a partner to spend those classes with. We aren’t friends, but they are nice people and I am not quite so isolated anymore.

Stress which isn’t related to university comes in the form of bureaucracy surrounding my boyfriends immigration process. Documents, deadlines, translations, apostilles and affidavits… I’m sick of them and wish we were finally done with it so we can live together…

2 thoughts on “I’m So Tired

  1. Good to hear about your work group. That must take some of the social pressure off. Hope that your therapy session works out okay and that all of the red tape around your boyfriend’s immigration moves smoothly.
    All the best working out something that fits the right balance with your classes. Last time I was studying I just had to reduce the load and extend the course – but I didn’t get to finish anyway because I ran out of money.

  2. Thank you – finding out how much you can stil tackle and what’s too much proves difficult… My therapy session was rather serious and intense; I really want to write about it, but needed the entire weekend to just unwind and now classes already started again. 😐

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